I Hate Kick-Ass
I know, I know. You’re all thinking I’m about to lay into the liberal splashes of claret resulting from Hit Girl’s slashfests as an example of the decay of cinema’s moral fiber. Well, you’re wrong. I don’t need to lay down any Roger Ebert-style preaching to pull the rug from under this colossal waste of time that has inexplicably grossed over $46 million and counting domestically. Kick-Ass, in my view, is the most overrated film of the last decade. Rather than just embark on a mindless, meandering rant, I will attempt to disprove some of the utter, utter drivel spouted in praise of this celluloid cockrot by using the critics’ words against them.
The Rabbit Hole
It’s been almost one month since Tim Burton became dead to me. For ten years I was a devoted follower of his work despite admonitions from friends and family that his movies were “weird.” There are more than enough reviews of Alice in Wonderland floating around the internet so all I will say is I was shocked that Alice is what Burton made with $200 million and no one seriously questioning him or trying to rein in his creativity. Honestly, had it been any other director, I would say it was an okay film; from Burton, it was not okay.
A Veiled Issue
I had my first encounter with a face-veil at age 16, greeting some African friends at Leeds-Bradford airport. A strapping Malawian man stood beside his burqa-clad wife and introduced themselves. Without thinking, I reached out and shook the lady’s hand, looking her in the eyes as I did. Then I recoiled slightly, and wondered if I’d made some colossal faux pas. However, nobody seemed to register this, and the group continued to chatter away quite happily. In fact, I engaged well with this mysterious woman in conversation, even though on parting I had yet to see any more than her eyes.
Powering the Future
The Obama Administration and Congress must work together to establish a five-year “Bucks for Belchers” Program modeled on “Cash for Clunkers.” Half of our electricity and a third of our carbon dioxide emissions come from coal-fired power plants. “These coal fire plants are going to continue to operate for decades, even as our industry turns to carbon-free electric power generating technologies,” wrote Entergy Corporation CEO Wayne Leonard. “Once built, coal plants are, in most cases, the cheapest source of power generation.” Because our coal-fired power plants will be belching out CO2 for decades, we should implement a “Bucks for Belchers” program that will curb emissions from these plants and jump start our green economy.
Year-end Check Up
Karl Marx famously postulated that capitalism was a step on the road to socialism, but looking at the world today, one gets the impression that the road goes both ways. In America, a country that ostensibly sees life as an unalienable right, the battle over universal health care rages on, framed correctly but maliciously as a step toward socialism. But China, the only major “socialist” power left in the world, has seen the crumbling of its health care system over the last thirty years, coinciding with its slip into “socialism with Chinese characteristics.”
Playground Politics
A 10-year-old Arkansas boy named Will Phillips has refused to stand up in class and recite the pledge of allegiance as he feels that gays are not allowed to get married and are not included as part of a nation that provides ”liberty and justice for all.” My first instinct: well done, young sir! I commend your brave and principled political stand against the forces of evil. More people should be sticking up for the oppressed, especially in the so-called “Land of the Free.”
Then I read on.
The Game of Life
Two Swiss human rights organizations have slammed a series of war-related strategy and FPS games for permitting violence against civilians, including torture and massacres. They added that those who “violate international humanitarian law end up as war criminals, not as winners.” I think Pol Pot and Stalin may beg to differ, but political semantics aside, the point of computer games is to simulate reality in an entertaining format.
I Hate Vanity Fair
While renewing my New Yorker subscription a couple of months ago, magazine publishing giant Condé Nast offered me a deal that seemed too good to pass up: 12 issues of culture/fashion/politics magazine Vanity Fair for 12 dollars. That’s right — for the price of a taco a month I would have some of the world’s finest photography and writing delivered right to my doorstep. A Vanity Fair article, “The Man Who Knew Too Much”, served as the basis for the amazing Michael Mann film The Insider. So I thought “Why not?”
Writer’s Block
There is a Chinese idiom about a man who buried a sum of silver underground and, worried that passersby would find it, placed a sign next to the plot that read “ci di wu yin san bai liang,” or “There is not 300 liang of silver here.” Needless to say, the next day his silver was gone.
I wonder if the censorship bureau understands this parable because one thing everyone in China should know by now is that if you ever come across a website that terminates your Internet connection, start digging.
Good By Any Metric
As an American, I often find it difficult to talk about popular music, especially when I mention how good Canadian music is. The reply is usually, “Canada? Really?”
Yes, Canada. Really. k-os, Tegan and Sara, The New Pornographers, Arcade Fire, Broken Social Scene, The Hidden Cameras, The Dears, Constantines, The Weakerthans, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Stars, Death from Above 1979, Feist, Peaches, Duchess Says, We Are Wolves, Wolf Parade, The Stills, Final Fantasy, The Unicorns, Royal City, Cuff the Duke, Black Mountain, The Luyas, Wax Mannequin, Chad VanGaalen, The Meligrove Band, Jim Guthrie, Veda Hille, Tokyo Police Club, Islands, Frog Eyes and Sunset Rubdown, to be more precise. If you didn’t know, Sum 41 is Canadian as well, if you’re into them.
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